My Companion Constantly Talks About Herself: Is It Time to Cut Her Off?

I have been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances vanished then, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have realised better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

Over the years, many close to her have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, even though she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us stepped back from work leading to more each other more, but I am finding my position in our friendship is to listen. I start discussion points but she shifts them to things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I try to recommend factchecking or other angles.

She has been organizing a trip to a nation I've visited many times and resided in for a while. My intention was to provide advice, yet it was not welcomed. She really just desired validation of her decisions. I recently ended 30 days in that place she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the impact of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could end things abruptly, but it is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution demands strength and readiness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be as factual as possible and basically exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no dispute about this. Your feelings are valid, after all. The third step is to question ways you together going to change the interaction between you."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, so you need to remain ready to hear that. An approach that works involves stating her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative about themselves they cannot abandon since their identity relies on it and it represents they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could initially present like this and then think about what you've said. If you don't achieve a fix, it provides satisfaction that you've been open and direct.