Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's prominent hosts used their evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly announced visa program, called the "golden visa," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys everything he handles."

The focus was the new program that allows international nationals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for 5 million. A government website guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, with large payments. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit wealthy international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to tackle prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.