This Christmas morning, do you fret about selecting the perfect gift for a loved one? I always try, but wherever I look the suggestions flood in with unhelpful suggestions. Absolutely not, I don’t want a scented wax with a poultry aroma, because we’ll be cooking the bird itself. I also don't need a sunrise alarm clock, since I can leave the blinds works just fine. And I definitely don’t want a salmon DNA pink collagen jelly mask, because that genetic material originates in milt. If I wanted aquatic semen applied to my skin, I would go fishing.
Seeking Ideas From the Natural World
So if you constantly search for inspiration, my advice is: learn from the animal kingdom. Humans didn’t invent gifting. This tradition has existed for over a hundred million years, long before humans appeared. Aided by evolution, wild animals have had creatures ample time to perfect gift-giving. Heck, certain arachnids even gift-wrap their presents!
Excluding fitness gear and other products I dislike, we can identify five categories of holiday presents: food, things for the home, jewelry, beauty products and clothing. Nature's creatures excels in every category.
Culinary Presents: From Protein Snacks to Artisan Kebabs
Certain cuckoo species offer their mates high-protein snacks such as insects, frogs and lizards. However, for those who like your meat shished, then the great grey shrike, also known as the butcher bird. Males impale prey, like insects and mice, on sharp thorns and branches to create artisan kebabs.
Certain insects present to their suitors spitballs, but these aren’t just any spitballs. These are the nuptial gifts of scorpionflies, crafted with only the finest saliva from the engorged salivary glands of only the fittest males. This offering is nutrient-dense, which is one reason the females favor males with larger gifts.
Another reason is that the most genetically robust males produce the largest gifts. When I say “fit” I don’t mean physical appearance, though that may be true. I mean genetic fitness.
The gifts are offered prior to mating, so by choosing the male with the largest gift, the female is choosing superior genes. She then consumes the delicacy during sex but terminates copulation as soon as it is finished. Larger gifts result in longer copulation times, where the male transfers additional sperm and the female is unable to mate with anyone else. This clarifies why he bothers creating such an intricate present.
Nest-Building and Bling
Adélie penguins don’t give food, but they do present things for the home. In Antarctica, where they live, one cannot find home improvement store, so the birds must source their gifts from their surroundings. Every mating season, males collect small stones and start making their nest. These crucial components are scarce, prompting some opportunists to steal pebbles from their neighbours. But when a male gives a pebble to a potential mate, it is a sign his readiness for commitment. Consider it the avian version of a diamond ring. The rock is not worn, however. If she also wants to get serious, she takes the gift and places it to the nest. Subsequently, after a few finishing touches, they are ready to raise a family.
Regarding bling, corvids are masters at this gift category. There are many accounts exist of individuals who made friends with wild crows and then been given bottle tops, fasteners, buttons and various glittering objects. In one notable case, two people in Florida even received a diamond bracelet from a crow they fed regularly. This is particularly endearing because while many creatures offer gifts in the hope of scoring, crows apparently give simply for the joy of it.
The Pinnacle of Combination Gift: Sea Sponges
In Western Australia, dolphins have been spotted plucking clumps of sea sponge from the seabed and using them in interesting ways. On occasion, while foraging for fish, they wear the sponges on their beak to help protect their skin. And sometimes, when male dolphins wish to woo females, they wear them like jaunty hats before presenting them as presents.
By doing this, dolphins ingeniously merge two final categories of Christmas gift. Sea sponges are clothing and skin protection. To make it even better, when males present their sponge gifts, they frequently adopt a curved posture and produce a whistling sound via their blowhole.
This is not the lackluster presents from pets – such as a cat leaving a deceased rodent in a hidden spot – or some people. Dolphin gifts are thoughtful, multipurpose, ethically gathered and presented with flair. There is a lesson from them. A famous singer may have said the only desire during the holidays is a loved one, but if I have one Christmas wish, is to be given a sponge-hat-skin-protector by a dolphin who serenades me in a stylish manner.
